


She is Afraid

by Johnstonmara353



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24105268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnstonmara353/pseuds/Johnstonmara353
Summary: After Andrea is attacked in the RV, how does she react after that first touch? Who will follow her after she storms off down the highway? And what secrets will she reveal?
Relationships: Andrea/Daryl Dixon
Kudos: 4





	She is Afraid

She is Afraid

Andrea/Daryl Dixon

Summary: After Andrea is attacked in the RV, how does she react after that first touch? Who will follow her after she storms off down the highway? And what secrets will she reveal?

She held the screwdriver in her shaking hand. Her gun in pieces on the floor. A walker pushing harder and harder against the folding door. Her legs refusing to lock into place. Refusing to keep the door closed. She could hear the grunting and scratches from the other side of the door. Every once in a while she would get a glimpse of a rotting face. Jaws snapping at her. Arm reaching for her through the door. No one was coming to save her. Dale could only watch from above as she struggled. Wanting so badly to reach her. She was on her own to save herself. If she screamed, she could attract the entire herd to the RV. Bringing hundreds of walkers down upon them. Everyone would be torn apart. Dale would have to watch them all die from his perch above them. Rick would lose his entire family again. Sophia and Carl would suffer a death that no child should. She couldn’t risk the children that she had cared for in the last few months. Children that she had watched laugh and play. Enjoying the moments of calm like children should. She would die before she screamed for help. Die before she put the children at risk. She would save everyone above herself if she had to. That’s what she did before the world changed. She saved people. 

Andrea took a deep breath, gripped the handle of the screwdriver more tightly, and flung herself at the monster that was now standing in the open door. Her entire body weight falling against the creature that was biting for her face. She quickly stabbed the flesh eating monster that was now pinned against the wall beneath her body. She couldn’t remember how many times she brought the screwdriver to her opponents head. Or when the dead finally gave up fighting her. All she knew was that she was covered in his blood and they were on the ground. The thick dark red blood covered her shirt; had splashed on her face. Her hands were violently shaking. As she tried to steady her breathing, she lost her footing and finally ended up on her ass. Pulling her legs tight against her chest. 

She threw the screwdriver to the floor and waited for the herd to pass. Not wanting to attract anymore into the RV. It was very unlikely that she could take down another one. Hearing the quiet sounds of grunting outside the RV door. Listening to the scraping sound as they rubbed against it as they walked passed. Andrea could hear Dale above her, tapping on the RV roof trying to get a response from her. But she couldn’t move. She wanted to let him know she was alive. Wanting to respond to his repeated light tapping, but she couldn’t She had to remain below the windows. If any of the undead saw her and ventured inside the RV, she didn’t know if she could take down multiples without her gun. And she knew how well hiding in the bathroom turned out for her. 

As soon as she heard Dale climbing down from the top of the RV, Andrea stood from her position on the ground. It was as if she had been pulled back into the real world from her fantasy. Grabbing the pieces of her gun and throwing them inside her bag before slinging it over her back. She couldn’t describe what she was feeling at that moment. Couldn’t articulate exactly what was running through her brain. All she did know was that she needed to get the hell out of there. Needed to get as far away from them as possible. She tossed the screwdriver on the table as Dale ran up the steps to the RV. Still trying to be quiet in case any walkers were straggling behind. 

“Andrea, are you okay?” The worry in his voice was apparent. He cared for her like he would care for his own daughter. He had to fight every instinct he had in order to stay on that roof. He would have endangered her more if he had attracted more walkers to the RV while trying to protect her from the one. 

Andrea didn’t care about anything anyone had to say to her right now. She didn’t want to answer the obvious questions. Of course she wasn’t all right. She was just attacked in an RV bathroom by something that wanted to eat her. It wasn’t a rapist or murderer like she used to deal with. This non-human wanted to eat her flesh. How could anyone be okay after that? She stormed passed the older man and ran down the steps of the RV. Stopping only when she felt her feet hit the grass. She bent over at the waist, trying to catch her breath. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her. She knew they wanted to approach her, to comfort her. The last damn thing she wanted was to be comforted like a small child. She wasn’t a damsel in distress. She wasn’t a weak woman. She was fucking pissed and had every right to be. 

Dale’s hand brushed her back to help calm her. Wanting to be there for her, but not wanting to feel her anger once again for over stepping his ground. For a few moments, she allowed the gesture. Taking comfort in the fact that he was alive and still there for her. She would protect Dale with her life. She loved him. But at the moment, she didn’t see the individual behind the kindness. Her vision being blurred by anger, fear and grief. All she could see when she closed her eyes, trying to slow her breathing, was the look of relief on Jackie’s face after she decided to stay in the building. She would never feel any pain. She would never see anymore of her friends torn apart in front of her. She was at peace now. Andrea wanted that. She wanted that peace. She wasn’t meant from this life. She couldn’t be cruel. Her brain was driven by empathy not selfishness. And she didn’t want to have to decide whether to be true to her heart and surviving. 

“Why couldn’t you just let me die? She whispered to the ground. Wishing to every God that would listen to her silent prays to take her now. She was ready. She could be with her parents. She could see Jackie again. She would be with Amy again. Why couldn’t she have died with Amy? Why couldn’t she have just stayed in the CDC holding Jackie’s hand? It could be over for her. But she had to run out of the CDC. She had to save Dale’s life. Dale didn’t deserve to die simply because she didn’t want to live anymore. It wasn’t his responsibility to save her. But now, all she could see was her anger. 

Dale hadn’t heard her. Or he thought he hadn’t heard her correctly. He had seen her upset many times before. He had seen her cry. Seen her angry as hell. But he had never seen this. This was an emotion that he was not use to seeing from the strong, independent woman. “Andrea?” he whispered, rubbing his hand down her back again. 

Andrea stood quickly. Suddenly coming back to herself. The angr that was now surging through her body was like something she had never felt before. Pure rage running through every vein in her body. Jerking her entire body away from him. She spun around, finally facing him. Her anger evident on her face. Her vision blurring with unshed tears. As she glanced around, she noticed she had now caused everyone’s attention to drift to her. Everyone watching her, wondering what they could do to help her. For once, she didn’t care. She didn’t want their help. She didn’t want to be the one to just get over it. She wanted to scream. And for once she wanted everyone to listen. “Why couldn’t you just let me die?” She almost screamed out. She was tired of living in this world. Tired of living with what happened to her sister in front of her eyes. And tired of being afraid all the time. “You should have left me in that building, Dale. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to live this way. Why can’t you let me die?”

Dale took a step towards the screaming, terrified woman in front of him, but she turned her back and started walking back down the highway. Leaving them to go on without her. She was done. She wanted to go some place quiet. Some place she could focus on putting her damn gun back together and ending all this shit once and for all. And she wanted to be alone when she did it. “Andrea!” she could hear Dale yelling for her, but didn’t turn around. She was tired of the guilt. Guilt knowing that she owed him something for saving her life more than once. Guilt about letting her sister die in her arms. Guilt that she was so fucking weak she couldn’t stand it. She had the opportunity to end it once. She wouldn’t be guilted out of it a second time. 

Daryl waited until the blonde was a few hundred yards down the road before he followed her. Taking his bow but leaving his gun behind. Ensuring the group he would bring her back. She just needed to vent in her own way. In her own time. They weren’t going anywhere anytime soon anyway. The road was completely blocked. They were gonna end up turning around and heading back in the direction she was walking. Either he would bring her back or they would eventually meet the RV again when it turned around. As long as he got her back to the group, he didn’t care how it happened. 

He didn’t know what had happened inside the RV. Hadn’t stood around and asked any questions when she took off walking. He was too busy keep T-Dog alive while the herd passed. Daryl didn’t know if she had been bitten. If she was able to take down the walker with ease. He didn’t know anything. But he could see the blood on her face; on her clothes. He could see the shaking of her hands as she walked ahead of him. The lack of her gun in her hand told him that she hadn’t figured out how to put the damn thing back together after Shane took it apart to clean it. Fucking Cop took a civilians gun apart during the zombie apocalypse and leaves her to put it together herself. He hated Shane. He didn’t think before he did shit. Whatever happened in that RV was his fault. Doesn’t matter what it was in his opinion. He would have never left her alone to put a firearm back together and loading it without being shown how to do so first. First of all, they risked her shooting herself. And second, she could blind fire and attract every walker within ten miles. The more he thought about everything that could have gone wrong, the angrier at Shane he got. If it hadn’t been for Rick, Daryl would have shot the bastard a while ago. 

Andrea knew she was being followed. And she knew which one had decided to chase her down the highway in the middle of a Georgia heat wave. The only other crazy person in the entire group. It was Daryl. She didn’t have to turn around to see if she was right. She could hear the shuffle of his left foot. He was the only one in the group that moved as if he were clearing rooms for a drug bust. She had been a lawyer for over ten years. Had watched plenty of crime scene videos. She knows what the steps of detectives and SWAT members sound like. Shane and Rick didn’t have that. Small town cops usually never needed the skill of clearing rooms quickly. A lot didn’t happen in small towns. 

When she finally realized, the RV was at least a mile behind her, she stopped. She didn’t know how long she had been walking. Or if she had even walked on the same highway she had started on. Throwing the bag on the ground and taking a deep breath before taking in her surroundings. All she saw was trees. She heard the footsteps stop behind her. She heard him put his bow on the ground; the scraping of the arrow tips against the concrete. They were both out of breath. She could hear Daryl breathing heavy behind her. Could feel her own chest tightening with every breath. 

“Are you fucking done yet?” Daryl yelled behind her. He hadn’t realized she would walk this far away from the rest of the group. He really did believe that she would walk a few hundred yards and run out of steam. He didn’t know that steam would last a mile or two. He didn’t want to be hateful with her. He didn’t want to force her to go back. He wanted her to want to go back with him and continue this journey. When she had stormed off, he knew exactly what she was going to do. She was gonna eat her gun when she figured out how to put it back together. If she even made it that far. Without anything to defend herself with she probably wouldn’t have made it far. 

Without turning around, Andrea bent down and grabbed the pieces of metal from her bag. Huffing and blowing her hair from her bloody face. She sat down in the middle of the hot road and proceeded to put the gun back together. Her back still to him, but he could see her hands shaking. The sweat pouring down her neck and back from the Georgia heat. She hadn’t grabbed her water bottle before she left the RV. But she wouldn’t be needing it much longer. As soon as she figured out how to put that damn gun back together the nightmare would be over. “Why can’t you people leave me alone?” She mutters more to herself than to the man standing a few yards away from her. She just stared at the pieces of metal in her hands. She didn’t know what to do. No one had shown her how to put the damn thing together. Her father had given it to her as a just in case. Shane was supposed to teach her to clean it and put it back together. He was supposed to help her. He wasn’t supposed to leave her defenseless in the RV while a herd passed by. The more she thought of the last hour of her life, the more she wanted to put a bullet in Shane’s head. He left her as the defenseless woman he always wanted. Someone that would depend on him. Someone that would do anything he wanted. 

Daryl kicked a rock in her direction. Wanting to get her attention off the broken down gun that was in her lap and on what was happening around her. Wanting her to focus on something other than what the hateful thoughts in her head were telling her. He knew they were there. Finding out that Merle wasn’t coming back set a few of his demons loose in his head. Now he was having to fight past hers. He had to fight for her if she wasn’t willing to do it herself. “If you’re fucking done. I’ll put the damn gun back together for you. Can we please go back now?” he didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but it was hot. She hadn’t had any water in at least an hour. He was concerned. And the longer they stayed in one place, the better chance they have of coming across more walkers. 

Andrea threw everything on the ground; standing suddenly. Her arms straight at her sides. He could see her knuckles turning white from the constant clenching of her fists. She was pissed and frustrated and terrified. Daryl was now beginning to believe he was the right person to chase after her. He had experience with these emotions. Had experienced them himself and comforted others in the work he used to do before the world ended. “I don’t want you to put it back together. I don’t want anyone’s help. I don’t want people fucking telling me what to do.” She screamed. Daryl believed it was more in general then directed at him. She didn’t know what else to do. She was cornered and scared. Of course she would start yelling during the zombie apocalypse. But he knew he could protect her if he needed to. 

“Will you fucking turn around and look at me while you’re yelling?” He said, crossing his arms over his chest. Wanting to take a step forward, but afraid she would try to run off again. 

Andrea spun around. Her face a mixture of fear and pain. He hadn’t realized she had been crying. The blood on her face mixing with her tears. Her chest and shirt covered in blood and sweat. Blood had spattered on her bare legs, leaving dark brown stains as she began to sweat. “Why can’t you people just let me die? I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore.” The tears fell more quickly. Her blood stained hands coming up to cover her face. Whatever Daryl had expected to happen when he followed the blonde, this was not it. He hadn’t expected her to burst into tears. He hadn’t expected her to mean what she said back at the RV. But she was running out of steam now. Fatigue was slowly replacing her anger. But her sorrow was still present. Pure agony was ripping at her chest. She had lost Amy. She had lost Jackie. Everything that she had loved had been taken away from her. Even as Daryl caught her gaze, she wasn’t there. Her eyes were glazed over. Her pain and terror taking over her entire body. She was seeing nothing but the bad. She was in a full blown panic attack as the thoughts began to race faster and faster. 

“Tell me what happened in the RV, Tiger,” he replied, calmly. He needed to pull her back. Force her to hear anything besides the voices that were taking over every thought in her otherwise rational mind. 

It was the nickname that got her attention. A silly name that only he called her when they were alone. Usually when she was frustrated or upset. She couldn’t even remember when he started using it. “Same shit that always happens,” she whispered, rubbing the back of her hand along her forehead. “A walker came in the RV. I was cornered in the bathroom. Shane hadn’t put my gun back together. If it weren’t for Dale dropping that screwdriver through the ceiling, I couldn’t have done anything.” She shook her head violently. Flexing her fingers at her sides. “I can’t put my gun together. I can’t defend myself. I can’t do this anymore, Daryl.” She pleaded, almost crumbling in front of him. 

While her vision was clouded by un-shed tears, Daryl took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her. Pulling her hard against his chest. Holding her as she fought against his grasp.“Let me go,” she pleaded with more fear than anger. The fight slowly fading from her body. Her body slowly relaxing into his. 

Daryl couldn’t let her go. He couldn’t let her figure out how to put that gun back together and go off on her own to stick it in her mouth. He couldn’t let her do it. He knew where the grief and anger came from. He knew it had very little to do with the attack in the RV. Of course she was terrified from being cornered by something that was trying to eat her. But that wasn’t what was making her act this drastically.“You can’t go home yet,” he whispered in her ear. Holding her head against his chest. Kissing the top of her head. “It’s not time yet.”

She stopped fighting. Buried her face in his neck. Muffling her cries of anguish into the thin material of his t-shirt. “I want to be with Amy. I was supposed to protect her.” Her tears running down the side of his neck, mixing with his sweat. “She was my baby sister,” she moaned. Shaking in his arms. 

Daryl’s heart broke for her. She hadn’t been allowed to grieve. She had to kill her baby sister, bury her and move on. She had to watch a building explode in front of her with her best friend still inside. Her entire family was gone. She was alone in this world. Daryl knew how she felt. He lost the only family member that he still had. Merle wasn’t a great brother, but he had always been there for him when it really counted. Andrea needed to grieve for her lose before she could be a functioning member of the group again. Someone needed to listen to her. Let her scream, fight, and curse the Lord if she had to. But they had to let her go through it. 

“It’s not time to be with Amy yet. You still have things to do here. You still have people here that love you,” he said, as he lowered them both to the ground. Pulling the blonde into his lap. Almost concerned that he received no resistance. She clung to him. Finally having a solid base to grieve on. Someone that would allow her to feel without the constant questions and concerned looks. 

Andrea hid her face in the crook of his neck. Wanting so much to not feel anything. To become completely numb to the outside world. “I can’t do this anymore,” she cried softly. Her fingers tightening around the fabric of his shirt. Her body wanting to hold on, but her mind was already drifting away. 

He pulled her closer to him. His arms wrapping around her body. His mouth close to her ear. “Yes you can.” He swallowed hard before he continued. There were things about him she didn’t know. She didn’t know that he had known who she was long before he had met her in the quarry. He had seen her more times than she was aware of. But he kept his past to himself. It didn’t matter what he did before the world ended. It never came up in conversation while he was out in the woods alone. Now, he could tell her. Tell her about himself. Tell her about the things that he remembered from her career. He nudged her ear with his nose. Blowing gently to make sure she was listening. “Remember that case you had when you were first in the District Attorney’s Office in Florida? I think it was about ten or twelve years ago. Woman killed her kid. Said it was an accident. I think she gave the kid bleach.”

Andrea tried to pull away. Not wanting to talk about anymore death. Becoming more and more confused by the minute. And getting tired or the rednecks little stories. She pushed hard against his chest. Ready to take off back down the road to get away from him too. “Daryl….I don’t...”

He shook his head, holding her tighter. Restricting the amount of movement her hips could make while trying to push him away. He knew she would probably have bruises from his hands, but he needed her to hear him. Needed to her listen, to remind her of the person she used to be. “It was your first case in the prosecutors office. Right before you went to civil rights work. You lost that case. Twelve years ago, you lost your first case in the prosecutors office, but you didn’t stop. And as of a year ago, you were the most well known civil rights attorney in the state of Florida.”

Andrea moaned becoming more frustrated. No one was listening to her. No one was understanding how much better she would feel if she wasn’t here. But a small part of her mind celebrated at the thought of being right when she believed he was in law enforcement. At least some of her skills hadn’t worn off. “You were SWAT?” she asked with a whisper. Giving in to the conversation he wanted. 

He shook his head. Enjoying the small moment of normal. A normal conversation that two adults could have anywhere. They just happen to be sitting in the middle of a Georgia highway in the middle of the blazing summer. While the apocalypse was going on around them. “Nope, undercover narcotics. Louisiana. I followed the case though.” He had followed that case. In the beginning it was only because he was interested in the case, until her next case was also broadcasted across the nation. Then she went to the Civil Rights Division and all of her cases were public knowledge. Freeing the innocent. Undoing the unjust. That was the Andrea he wanted to pull back. The one that fought for the right thing. The one that cared with her entire soul. 

She pushed at his chest. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” Andrea knew the case he was referring to. It was one of three she had in the prosecutors office. She never lost a case after that one. She never rested until every case she tried was bullet proof. But what the hell did that have to do with the world now? What could she do with that now?

Daryl brushed his fingers across her cheek. Watching her flinching away slightly before relaxing again. “You didn’t give up then. You fought like hell to be the best. Why can’t you fight now? Why give up now?” he said, almost shaking her by the shoulders. 

Andrea closed her hand over one of his. Wanting someone to see her. Someone to really see the pain that was eating away at her soul. “I have nothing left to fight for! And that scares the shit outta me. I know what we are facing ahead of us and that terrifies me. There’s nothing good left in the world. I have no one left.” She sobbed. 

Daryl wrapped a hand around her neck, pulling her to him. Burying his face in her hair. Feeling the heat coming from her skin. Smelling the mix of shampoo and sweat in her hair. “I’m right here. I’m fighting for you. I need you to fight.” He whispered. Running his fingers through her tangled and blood stained hair. “Amy will wait for you.”

Andrea moaned, gripping his shirt tighter. Amy’s face appearing in her mind, haunting her every time she closed her eyes. She had one job in life. One that she was supposed to take seriously, and she had failed. Her sister was now in a shallow grave with a bullet wound in her head. “I was supposed to protect her.”

Daryl tightened his arms around her. “Baby, you did protect her. You stayed with her so she wouldn’t be alone as she passed. You stayed with her until a part of her returned to you.” he paused for a moment. Kissing the top of of her head as she sobbed. “And you made sure she could pass on in peace. She is at rest. She feels no pain because of you.”

Andrea tried to catch her breath. Breathing in the scent of him. Feeling his arms around her. The sun was starting to set. She was clinging to Daryl with everything she had left in her. For the moment feeling safe. For the moment she could grieve in peace.

He nudged her. Forcing her to sit up in his lap. Her eyes finally focused on his. The haze he had seen early was finally gone. “We need to go back.”

She nodded. Moving off his lap and picking up her weapon and bag. Still frustrated that she couldn’t put the damn thing back together. Still furious that she had to fight in this world. But she was a little lighter. A little more calmer. “I can’t be in the RV.” she whispered, as she began walking back towards the group.

Daryl threw an arm around her shoulders and slung his bow over the other. Smiling at her. He didn’t want her in the RV either. Shane would be in the RV. The last thing he wanted was for her riding in the same place he was. She didn’t need Shane whispering crazy shit in her ear and making her more miserable. “Ride on the back of the bike.” he said. 

He could have sworn he saw her eyes light up for just a second. It wasn’t the usually spark he would see every day, but it was there. “You sure?”

He nodded. Pulling her closer against his side. “Leave the bag in the RV. I’ll show you how to put your gun back together when we get back, and you climb on the back of the bike.”

She nodded. It wasn’t a permanent solution to her problem. But it would keep her away from the place she now feared. The place where she would be trapped. “Thanks.”

Daryl shrugged, smirking to himself. “Don’t thank me.” he said, pulling her closer, laughing against her hair. “I just wanted a blonde on the back of my bike.”


End file.
